Targeting Enemy Words

By James Glass

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Writers are notorious for their love of words. Because of this, we have a hard time targeting certain words as enemies. If you don’t take the time to dig deep in your manuscript, searching for enemy words, you risk weakening your story. This robs the reader of your full potential and they may decide to put your book down.

Watch out for empty words in your writing. The word ‘was’ is a sign of the dreaded passive voice, which places a distance between you and the reader. Sometimes ‘was’ is unavoidable, but use it often and the story becomes diluted and boring. Look for stronger verbs that impart real meaning.

Look for crutch words. These are the words writers fall back on when we can’t find a better way to express what’s going on. This often occurs when we dilute the force of what we’re trying to say, but the effect usually muddles the story.

Another commonly overused word is ‘very’, so watch out for it. To help you determine which words are your crutches, go back through the draft of the last thing you finished. Read through the pages with an eye for frequently used words, especially in the same paragraph. Make a list of the words you use often. Once you target them, these words will stand out. This doesn’t mean you can’t use them, but limit the amount of playing time they have in your story.

The most common enemy words are adverbs. Ninety percent of the time, they are unnecessary. The awful thing about most adverbs is you can cut them without changing the structure of your sentence.

Here’s one example. Jack nodded slightly. Talk about wishy-washy. Jack either nodded or he didn’t.

Here’s another. Cindy talked excitedly.

If you want us to see Cindy talk excitedly, add action, not adverbs. We tend to add adverbs thinking they will give extra impact, only to discover it’s weak writing. Comb your first drafts searching for adverbs to cut. Save the best ones for when you really need them, and they will have a bigger impact.

Here’s a list of 10 commonly overused words or phrases. Go back and see how you can delete them. If you can’t, figure a way to rewrite the sentence and make the story tighter. 

1. In order to

This is one of the flabbiest phrases I see in writing. People use it, but not one sentence stops working if ‘in order to’ is deleted. Replace with ‘to’, which has the same meaning. This one minor change will make the statement clearer.

2. Really

If you’re saying someone is ‘really’ tall, you’re missing the mark. How tall are they? Readers want you to show them, not tell them. With that in mind, swap this vague term for a more accurate descriptor. If you can’t be more descriptive, delete the word.

3. A lot

‘A lot’ is similar to ‘really’ in terms of vagueness. Saying something is ‘a lot’ different than it used to be robs your readers of an experience. While they understand something has changed, they don’t know what. Provide more specific information so the reader can make good decisions and connect with you on a deeper level.

4. Just

The only time ‘just’ has a place in your content is when you’re talking about something being ‘fair.’ For example, ‘The trial was just.’ Uses of ‘just’ to imply something small or inefficient (e.g., ‘She just couldn’t take the heat anymore.’) doesn’t add anything. In most cases, you can remove this word without affecting the sentence’s meaning.

5. That

‘That’ may seem like an inoffensive word, but it’s usually not necessary. For example, “These are the best pair of shoes that I’ve ever worn” could be changed to, “These are the best pair of shoes I’ve ever worn.”

6. Then

‘Then’ makes your writing stammer, which is the opposite of what you want. To smooth your text, remove the word whenever the sentence makes sense without it. And don’t start sentences with ‘then’ because it makes them clunky and difficult to read.

7. So

‘So’ is another word that doesn’t do much. Despite this, many people use it, particularly as a transition or explanatory word. Delete the word and, in most cases, your readers will thank you.

8. Got

‘Got’ is a lazy word because it doesn’t tell people much about how or why someone got something. Instead, use words that add power, such as ‘obtained’ and ‘earned.’

9. Often

‘Often’ teases readers by telling them something happens frequently without being clear. Replace ‘often’ with specific descriptions, such as ‘five times a week’ or ‘every year.’

10. Very

Perhaps the laziest descriptive word of all, ‘very’ can be deleted without taking away the intended meaning of what you’re trying to convey. Go back and replace the combination with a single, stronger adjective. For example, instead of saying ‘very beautiful,’ use ‘gorgeous.’ Replace ‘very intelligent,’ with ‘brilliant.’

When editing, circle or highlight all the empty words in red. Try rewriting those sentences with stronger verbs. This forces you to restructure the sentence making it sound more active.

Circle or highlight all the adverbs you find in yellow. Check how the sentences sound without them. If the meaning isn’t changed, cut them. Be sure to read aloud. By reading out loud, you hear the flow instead of relying on your writer’s voice alone.

When you finish, you will end up with a cleaner, more efficient prose. Something your readers and editors will both enjoy.

Happy writing.

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James Glass achieved the rank of Command Master Chief before retiring after 22 years in the United States Navy. After retiring from the Navy, he exchanged his rifle for a pen. He and his family moved back to Florida. James is also the president of the Panhandle Writers Group. He’s published five novels, one novella, and two (you solve the crime) chapter books.

Show Don’t Tell

By James Glass

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What Does “Show, Don’t Tell” Mean?

Good writing tends to draw an image in the reader’s mind instead of just telling the reader what to think or believe.

Here’s a sentence that tells:

Mr. Jeffries was a fat, ungrateful old man.

That gets the information across, but it’s boring. Most writers who tell tend to lose, rather than gain readers.  

Here’s a way to create an image of Mr. Jeffries in the reader’s mind:

Mr. Jeffries heaved himself out of the chair. As his feet spread under his apple-like frame, his arthritic knees popped and cracked in objection. Jeffries pounded the floor with his cane while cursing that dreadful girl who was late again with his coffee.

In the second example, I didn’t tell you Mr. Jeffries is fat. I showed you. I also didn’t tell you he was old, but showed you by mentioning his arthritic knees, his cane, and that he has a girl who tends to him. You probably guessed by now that he’s not a nice man. 

One of the most hideous examples of telling rather than showing is the “As you know, Mr. Jeffries,” dialog. This is when one character tells another something they both know. It’s almost as hideous when an author painstakingly uses dialog and action to convey something the characters all know.

However, like most rules of thumb, “Show don’t tell” is excellent advice most of the time, but writers can apply it too broadly, or in situations where it hurts more than it helps. You must be aware of the spirit, as well as the letter, of this particular law. New writers tend to lecture their readers. It’s never a good idea to bludgeon your readers with information. Or they may try to explain through dialogue. The key is to find the right mix between showing and telling. You don’t want to bore your reader. Pick up one of your favorite authors’ books and see how they capture your attention in the pages. Reading is one of the most effective leaning tools for a writer.  

If you find your writing feeling flat, take a step back and imagine the scene yourself. What sounds do you hear? What smells are in the air? What expression does your character have on his face? What are his motivations? Once you dig deeper into your own imagination, see if you can make your writing better by adding a few specifics. This will transport the readers to the scene you have in your mind.

So, let’s make today a good writing day. Whether one sentence, one paragraph or one chapter. It’s all progress. Make today a good writing day. 

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James Glass achieved the rank of Command Master Chief before retiring after 22 years in the United States Navy. After retiring from the Navy, he exchanged his rifle for a pen. He and his family moved back to Florida. James is also the president of the Panhandle Writers Group. He’s published five novels, one novella, and two (you solve the crime) chapter books.

Adding Tension, Suspense, & Intrigue to Your Story

By James Glass

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Are you in the process of writing a novel? Crime or suspense thriller? Or some other popular fiction you hope will grab readers’ attention? Besides a great character and a fascinating plot, you need to keep readers engaged and eagerly turning the pages. ALL genres of fiction, and not just thrillers, need tension and intrigue. That and a certain amount of suspense. But how do you break away from other writers in your genre? You must ratchet up the tension, intrigue, and suspense. Create a fast-paced, nail-biting, page-turner. Okay, but how?

First, create a protagonist your readers will care about, and give him/her some worries and secrets. Make your hero or heroine intriguing and complex, clever, and resourceful. But not perfect. Perfect is too boring and you’ll lose your readers. Make them vulnerable. Whether physical vulnerability or some inner conflict, regrets, and secrets. In most cases, you want your protagonist to be likeable too, or at least possess some endearing traits to make readers worry about and want to root for. If readers can’t identify with or bond with your character, it’s pretty clear your story needs work.

Next, you want to get up close and personal. Use deep point of view (first-person or third-person) to get us into the head and body of your main character right from the opening paragraph. Show their thoughts, fears, hopes, frustrations, worries, and physical and sensory reactions in every scene. Most new writers want to start with opening their story with description, background info, or even flashbacks. Instead, open with action. It’s best to jumpstart your story with your lead interacting with someone else who matters to them, preferably with a bit of discord and tension. And show his/her inner thoughts and emotional reactions, maybe some frustration or anxiety. Give your character a problem to solve right from the start. This creates an early conflict that throws your lead off-balance and will make your readers worry about him/her. A worried reader is an engaged reader. Remember—act first, explain later.

 Another way to create suspense is to withhold information. There’s no surprise for the reader if they know everything up front. This is so important and a common weakness for new fiction writers. Hold off on critical information. Give a hint of a traumatic or life-changing event early on. But reveal fragments of info about it little by little, through dialogue, thoughts, and brief flashbacks. This will keep your readers wondering and worrying—keeping your reader engaged as they need to know but have to read further.

Don’t get bogged down in lengthy descriptions, backstory, or exposition. Keep the action and interactions moving ahead, especially in the first chapter. Dialogue is your best friend early on. This isn’t to say dialogue is not needed later on, but new writers tend to overuse narrative description. This usually results in a slower pace and bogs down the action.

Then introduce a significant, meaningful story problem for your protagonist. Now that your readers care about the main character, insert a major challenge, dilemma, goal, or threat within the first ten chapters, a big one that won’t be resolved until the end. The tension will keep the reader engaged throughout the story.

Every page needs some tension, even if it’s just doubt, questioning, disbelief, disagreement, suspicion, or resentment simmering below the surface. Add in tough choices and moral dilemmas. Devise ongoing difficult decisions and inner conflict for your lead character. Besides making your plot more suspenseful, this will also make your protagonist more complex, vulnerable, and intriguing.

Insert several plot twists. Readers are surprised and delighted when the events take a turn they never expected. Don’t let your readers become complacent, thinking it’s easy to figure out the ending, or they may stop reading. To keep the reader engaged, establish a sense of urgency, a tense mood, and generally fast pacing.

Utilize cliff-hangers. Put your hero or heroine in danger at the end of some chapters. This will incite reader curiosity and questions and compel them to go to the next chapter. James Patterson is a master of short chapters with lots of suspense that forces the reader to turn to the next chapter. 

I hope you find these tips to be helpful.

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James Glass achieved the rank of Command Master Chief before retiring after 22 years in the United States Navy. After retiring from the Navy, he exchanged his rifle for a pen. He and his family moved back to Florida. James is also the President of the Panhandle Writers Group. He’s published five novels, one novella, and two (you solve the crime) chapter books.